To Pay or Not to Pay:

How the New Dating Culture Has Changed Courting

“If I get you some lobster and some Moët you know what’s happening next?!! I’m going deep sea diving”

-“Bunz”

Played by Jamie Foxx in Booty Call (1997)

To pay or not to pay that is the question. The foremost statement is my own rendition of the famous soliloquy of William Shakespeare. Should the cost of a well prepared dinner and activity of choice subsequently rely on you sleeping with someone? Must a person subject themselves to inedible cuisine and a horrid atmosphere in order to maintain control? Furthermore, regardless of the price is there a rule as to who should pay, and under what circumstances. Those recurring questions play like a never ending reel when preparing for an evening out.

Like most people I try not to place myself in any unfavorable situation. Growing up as a young woman I was constantly informed to protect myself and carry “vex money”. Vex money is a term used to tell a person to have sufficient funds to pay for their tab( food and/or activity) and a cab ride home in case their date began to act unreasonable. It is almost barbaric to assume because you purchased someone a Big Mac they must unzip their trousers for you. Society has placed so much on quid pro quo behavior most people have forgotten the humanistic side of dating.

One will think what is dating’s basic purpose? Webster defines dating as series of social engagements in order to get married. What most people are doing is confusing dating with prostitutes’ “pay for play “ persona. Sitting down and breaking bread with someone, a symbol of peaceful exploring commonalities can be tainted by the looming thought from the person sitting with them “I better be getting laid tonight.”

Within life there are subsets, so naturally within social interactions the same would apply. If person A invites Person B out, the bill arrives and person A is to pay for the duo. Basically proper etiquette is whoever invites is supposed to pay. This notion is in comparison to someone having a dinner party asking their guests to bring their own food and serve. In that moment all you can be is shocked and appalled while learning a valuable lesson. The lesson being certain people are tacky, classless and don’t care.

Although it is called common sense it is not common, people aren’t aware of etiquette because no one has been taught. If they have been taught the world has made them so jaded its nullified all sense of earnest intentions in regards to getting to know someone for the sake of meeting new people. Everything proper and tactful has now been deemed antiquated or old fashion. Generation Y [those born in early 1980-Early 2000’s] are the reason for this mantra. Due to the fast paced social media driven, oversexed, and self-entitled adults there is a glitch in the system. The term courting has been replaced with being “thirsty” making it difficult for a person to show genuine interest in the fear of being labeled borderline obsessive.

When you have something as simple and wonderful as a sit down dinner become the root for sexual advancement your vision cannot be anything but obscured. Food is one element that can bring parties together but shouldn’t be the basis of how you should be together. Bottom line payment rendered, or who invited who shouldn’t matter as long as the parties both feel comfortable and well informed. Rules are made and amended all the time.